Yes, yes. I'm proclaiming my writing as the "official" Bardan Jusik worship in here, not only because I'm the Chief but also because if this fails I can still draw more Bard'ika fan art.

Not going to copy/paste these stories in here as I want you all to preserve your sight, so I'll just post stats and summaries... and will shamelessly blog about my story-related ideas in here.

Title: Chronicles from Mandalore: I. What it takes, II. More than blood
Timeline: 17 years BBY (two years after Order 66)
Main Characters: Bardan Jusik, Runa Zanim (female medic from Ord Mantell turning Mando)
Genre: Adventure/Drama/Action/Romance
Plot/Summary: Bardan "Gotab/Bard'ika" Jusik's story becoming a self-sufficient Mandalorian, doing very non-Jedi stuff and it's pretty scary at times, other times shocking but that's what you get for messing with the Empire.
Links:

• Part I: "What it takes" (complete)
  
• Part II: "More than blood"

And because I don't like throwing my stuff around here's my other not-so-serious, silly RepCom story:

Title: Morale visit to Vevut Squad
Timeline: 20 years BBY (during True Colors)
Characters: Bardan Jusik, Vevut Squad (only Dec is the canon character), Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Clone Captain Rex
Genre: Adventure/Science-Fiction/Drama
Plot/Summary: The untold story of General Jusik as he checks on one of his Commando companies, Vevut Squad, captured by creepy locals on a sabotage mission. They call for reinforcements and that arrives in the form of Skywalker and his padawan Ahsoka who have no idea what they're doing.
Links:

• Chapter 1 and 2 (so far)

Here's the 3rd chapter of Vevut Squad

It took some time for me to post it while I had finished setting the main lines two weeks ago, sometimes I just don't feel like setting my mind back into the Clone Wars and some characters just bug the hell out of me.

Anyway, enjoy this fun squad of Republic Commandos. I didn't care to make them respectful of rank or kama's which is probably a bold move. They might seem more insane than Delta, or Nulls.

Just finished part 1 of CfM

I like it. I like how Bardan/Gotab is described/depicted. And I thoroughly enjoy Runa as a character. I like the fact that she was not raised as a mandalorian and she has to "become" one "sur le tas" as the saying goes.

I really felt sorry for her when she was captured and tortured, specifically since she really didn't know what to do, how to react, and considering the situation, I was quite proud of her even though she did cave in the end. I like how she's still clumsy and not an instant "super soldier".

Minor crits, some of it is just certain passages in the story where I can see the french language influence surface from time to time, but it's probably mostly because I also speak french, and for someone to write in the quality of English that you do is rare even for native English speakers. Also, I would've wanted to see a "longer" development between Runa and Bardan's relationship. I totally understand that they're still sort of in that "wartime stress" and they may have gotten close to each other quite quickly because of it, but I would've wanted to see a little more interaction between them before they "did the do", you know what I mean?

Overall, I totally enjoyed the first part and will read the second part as soon as I get some time to fully appreciate it

Just so you know, I have a tendency to wait for a fic to have enough installments before I start reading through it. Like my clone wars episodes, I wait till I have at least 3 episodes and watch all 3 in a row

Thanks for sharing.

Commander-13, thank you so much! I was starting to get hopeless about my feedback here but you brightened my day with this very constructive and supportive review.

I'm so glad that you among many other readers enjoyed my take on Bardan's character. He's in my opinion a great character to examine in the whole RepCom series and it's easy to take his awesomeness for granted.

I'm even more grateful that you liked Runa. When I started writing her I thought "Oh boy, this is going to be a big time Mary Sue," and worked the other way around all of the Marysueish elements. It was hard to avoid the Etain effect as well (anti-Sue) who is described by Traviss herself as "a mess" and so I just went for the regular civvie type. But she's not a Besany Wennen. Runa's main problem is that people (and herself) would expect her to be tough and strong because her father is a Mandalorian. As you noticed, she doesn't work well under pressure and only gets lucky for the sake of the story to go on.

Speaking of luck, the pairing was kind of inevitable in my view and being a very anti-corny kind of gal I wanted them to skip the sentimental phase. What I forgot to mention (and you're right: I could rewrite that part, it's really neglecting a few necessary details) that fear plays a sneaky part in their relationship: Runa doesn't want to know everything about Bardan because of an inferiority complex, and he doesn't want to make her feel uncomfortable because he is freaking horny. It didn't hit me until afterwards that I could have developed that one aspect of his character but, for the sake of Star Wars and the plot I can't just march into innuendos and frivolous acts. That's what Part 2 is for!

I'm kidding. Thanks so much again for taking the time to read my fan fiction, I immensely appreciate it. And I really, really hope you will like More than blood. Chapter 9 is in the works right now and this story really is different from the first, a little less catchy and a little less related to the RepCom novels. I'm also taking my time writing it, so I can take a long time to update but that's because of real world business, I do have my plot written down, though. It's also an in-depth development of the relationship between Bardan and Runa, which is NOT easy at all. I have to go through a great deal of brainstorming and try out a lot of possible scenarios before I find interesting things to tell.

I really liked morale visit. It was very good Jusik tinkering, NPCing, what have you. There were some spelling and grammatical errors, but otherwise readable. Though, I gotta say, I wish there was more of Anakin being a n00b, followed by disdain for Jedi. But that's just me.

Oh I kinda knew that Bardan and Runa would eventually end up together, and there were enough cues for that. It's not so much the end result that I was surprised about, but more of how they get there.

Don't mind me, it's probably just because I'm an old fashioned coot and was expecting a bit more "courting" from Bardan. But still, the way their "moment" is written in the story is much less vague than when Etain "oopsed" Darman. I hated that scene from rep com actually, it was so. "What, did they do the do or what?" Then suddenly she was pregnant. The scene between Runa and Bardan was clear enough that there's the mention of using shields the next time around :p (and obviously he'd like to have a next time)

To be honest, writing detail in that kind of scene would probably detract a bit from the main story (and you'd probably end up having people asking you to write more raunch/smut rather than wanting to follow their adventures instead ) I thought you handled it pretty well, in fact.

Character development between two people is always complicated, but it mostly depends on which direction you want to take with your characters. Much like real relationships, it starts out awkward, then slowly eases into some sort of comfort zone, so you really should just go with the flow, but do take your time.

Bardan seems a bit unsure about it all, but he's also quite "possessive" in his own way. I like his "stay away from my girl" attitude he's exhibiting when another male is giving a bit too much attention to Runa. It shows he's not used to being with someone intimately and he doesn't quite know how to react to other "predators" in the area.

Also, I liked the Wampa that lost his keys to the Tauntaun. It made me laugh like an idiot at the coffee shop and I drew some odd stares from the people there too.

I'll try and start part 2 later during the weekend so I can give you feedback on that too.

I finally finished the first part!

I've been slowly reading it. Then I peeked at commander-13's comment and saw that Runa got captured. That got me excited and then I finished the story pretty quickly. I left you a review (my ff.net name is Triya). And there's a million typos in the review and English IS my first language. Sorry about that.
I get thrown off on the spelling of Bardan's name. I always see 'Bard'ika' so I think it's an i and not an a.

Anyway, I agree with pretty much everything commander-13 said. I wasn't exactly sure what had happened in the bedroom till I read that Runa was picking her clothes up off the floor. Part of me thought "No, Jusik wouldn't go that far! She's recovering!"

Anyway, I also would have liked to see a little more tension, courting, and talking about feelings between them but I understand why you didn't put much in there. I do the "we could die tomorrow so let's get it over with" too with my characters. It does make sense why things moved so quickly between them.

I know what you mean about feedback. Sometimes I want it and other times I'm terrified about it.

Thank you guys sooo much! I am happy

Douglas Fett wrote:

I really liked morale visit. It was very good Jusik tinkering, NPCing, what have you. There were some spelling and grammatical errors, but otherwise readable. Though, I gotta say, I wish there was more of Anakin being a n00b, followed by disdain for Jedi. But that's just me.

First, I'm glad you liked that little RepCom/CW story. Yes I know I could have gone full on dark side about Skywalker and show how much of a douche he is. I guess, by the time I got around chapter 4 he was starting to annoy me and I needed to get to the point anyway. I also cannot stand Rex.

I smiled at the mention of "NPC's" because that's really how I view the aliens and other characters I build for the purpose of the plot. Single-minded, unambiguous and stubborn characters that cause a lot of trouble.


Tenna, I read your review on FF.net! Thank you, and the typos don't matter when you say such sweet, sweet things about my story. I guess I owe you one

Yes I suppose the relationship causes much reaction with any given context in Star Wars. The fact is that smart characters no matter how thought out they are, they will be stupid for someone and stuff happens in the sack. The "we might die tomorrow" excuse bugs me as well, it's too convenient and if everyone thought that way people would be having sex non-stop in all kinds of stories. Imagine the Clone Wars show without the G rating...

Anyway the emotional touchy-feely moments happen later on, as commander-13 pointed out, in Part 2 they even have some sort of fight. But it's not central in the story - there is a LOT going on - but I do feel like they have grown since the first chapters of Part 1.

commander-13 wrote:

Bardan seems a bit unsure about it all, but he's also quite "possessive" in his own way. I like his "stay away from my girl" attitude he's exhibiting when another male is giving a bit too much attention to Runa. It shows he's not used to being with someone intimately and he doesn't quite know how to react to other "predators" in the area.

You know, I didn't even think that much when I wrote that part, it felt awkward and it was something that needed to be shown anyway. Most of the clones have relationships (or are getting some in any way) but the regular guys seem to be monks.

So I don't know about the courting. The average man who grows up in a healthy environment learns to chase girls all of his life but I have a hard time picturing that with a Jedi, no matter how crazy he can be. I'm assuming that if a Jedi wants to have a go at a girl he needs to be watching a lot of holovids (oh yes, I went there ) and the setting of the story, with the Empire troubles, Etain dead, etc., is not really a great time for Bardan to be fooling around. At the end of Order 66 everything seems pretty dark and I just didn't even expect him to be interested in a relationship.

I blame Traviss for not writing him as a complete human being with feelings and personal needs, she always presented him as "the Jedi" in the Skirata bunch, EVEN 60 years later in the Legacy of the Force novels. My writing was mostly a reaction to that, now he kind of became my "alternate" version of him and I don't care much for what Traviss is planning to do with him in Imperial Commando.

I always try to post my reviews on both FF.net and here, but sometimes I forget.

So:

Review for What It Takes: Chpt. 3:

‘ Gotab stared at them for a moment. Someone must’ve forgotten to tell him about helmet transparency when it wasn’t on his head. ‘

That line made me laugh. It’s pure Mando openness.

I like how Birhan’s wife didn’t turn their children into complete cases, even though they weren’t raised pure Mando. They seem about as resourceful and smart as someone given their upbringing could be. Very far removed from Skirata’s kids, so I’m glad they could get along better than his.

Review for What It Takes: Chpt. 4:

‘ “Sadly these are mostly clone personnel.” Bardan held up his rifle, a modified Verpine precision rifle with its mounted scope and sturdy build, and aligned the sights with his T-visor for a magnified view of the base. “You haven’t seen them in the capital because Shysa, our Mandalore aka. ambassador, has agreed on certain terms with their general.” ‘

Wow, for some reason, before that, it never hit me that the base was going to be full of clones. Hm. Disturbing and problematic.

You write Bardan perfectly; he never says or does anything that seems out of character from the stories. There is such a thing as taking too many artistic freedoms with a character, but you handle it flawlessly. Kandosii!

Review for What It Takes: Chpt. 5:

‘ “Well, well! Mister mysterious one, looks like you’re taking on Parja’s advice. That’s ok, Bard’ika. I won’t tell anyone that you’re actually a man.” ‘

Funny. XD Haha, the scene where she shot a flare was adorable. Bardan just kinda shrugged and took it in his step. “No biggie...” XD

Review for What It Takes: Chpt. 6:

Seeing Kal introduced again was a happy little moment for me; I always like seeing how he comes across to other characters. It’s the most telling about personality, I feel.

Runa’s reaction to Bardan being a Jedi and such makes me wonder what went on in her life to make her act so tense and tight-lipped about it. One would assume things would have been so uneventful for her for years that she couldn’t have any weird preconceptions, but we’ll see...

Mandomemory this review package is so great, it made my coffee taste a lot sweeter than usual - thank you!!! I'm happy you're still reading the story, I worked hard to get RepCom fans to like it with the various cameo roles, too ;P

I just want to answer one concern about chapter 6: Runa's view of the Jedi. You're right to assume that she should be generally neutral towards them as she has lead a pretty uneventful civilian life away from the war. But since she was a kid she knew her father was a Mandalorian and heard his stories through her mom. So it's more of an issue with her father that causes her to be uneasy around Bardan. It's a complicated, circumstantial thing

Nothing's better than reviews!

Yeah, I'm not worried about Runa's Jedi-'phobia', I'm sure it'll be addressed in some sense or another in the next chapters.

Okay, I'm the one on Fanfic who read the Chronicles from Mandalore:What it takes almost 20 times (Blade Fett), probably more since then. I still love reading it. It's a great story. I need to re-read More than blood again... Heck I need to re-read alot of stuff. But your story is like, on the top of that list. In fact, when I finish typing this I'm gonna go re-read it. My heart still melts when I read Kad'ika's scene. He's just too cute. And of course, I still squeal like a fangirl when I read Mereel's scene. Good job.

You probably know my stories more than I do at this point. I should be asking you for insight and advices!

Thank you so, so much for posting here and knowing that you like my stuff so much really helps. Right now I'm swarmed with real-world events so it's hard for me to sit down and work on my story. I promise I'll get right back to it next week.


So, I'm guessing you meant Kad'ika It's cool that you liked his portrayal because I really am not a "kid person," and the way Traviss wrote baby Kad was sort of unreal near the end but I had to stick to that either way.

Their are ALOT of reasons I never right kids. One: I just plain suck at writing them. And two: Even if their cute... I turn them into evil mini-Prudii's.

Finally finished chapter 9 of More than blood, what a pain it was

• More Than Blood, Chapter 9

WARNING: contains somewhat mature details and behaviors that may not be suited for young readers.

Here's my excerpt for it, though it may seem confusing at first glance...

Quote:

TARGET LOCATED AND IDENTIFIED. STANDING BY. He confirmed the message and sent it on the encrypted link to Jusik's private comms. Sulen waited a minute, then two. The datapad did not bleep for another ten when he had to leave the refreshers before it got suspicious. He received a reply when sitting in the mess hall. COPY. STILL ON THE MOVE. DO NOT ENGAGE. He rolled his eyes and accidentally gazed over a small group of black-clad police officers sitting a few tables to his left, their shoulder emblazons showing the Tactical Response Team's insignia. He could not spot Jusik among them however. Someone laid a metallic tray on the table and sat next to him with little care whether he liked it or not. Sulen directed his attention towards the entrance of the crowded mess hall, pretending to be brooding about personal matters. Eclan Trudov liked having lunch alone, apparently, and was nowhere to be seen. Sulen's neighbor cleared his throat and poured himself a glass of water. His uniform sleeves were black. And he had neatly groomed blond hair. Only then did Sulen notice the combat vest, the pocketed belt and holsters. The man was rather short for a commando... "What are you doing here?" he told Jusik, not without a hint of irritation. "I thought we agreed on the rendez-vous point..." "I was hungry," replied the former Jedi. "Training does that to a body. Not like your comfy temp job." He cringed. They should have swapped positions but having a Force-sensitive too close to Trudov was asking for a monumental scene.

If this got you curious, read the chapter I know it's long, but I put a lot of love into it and I hope you'll be entertained.