Reposted from fanfiction.net:

I was a bit confused with the first part of the chapter. Are Ben and Vhe'dn, one in the same? Can you remind me why she has two names if she is? I was trying to understand that part and was a rather lost. Also, the entire family tree was a little confusing to me. Just to clarify... Kotep is Vhe's grandfather? I was so sadly lost in this entire scene, and I really wanted to know who was who and how they all fit together. Please, please, tell me I'm just a tired mommy with a lack of sleep and missed the obvious information I need for this scene. (My little one had me up quite a bit last night.)

The second half had my attention much easier. Thanks for showing more about Rooshi and delving into more of her personality. (I'm still hoping for something between Damper and her...he-he.) I also liked Ando and Rooshi's professional interest in the medical techniques. It gave them both another layer to their characters.

Ando's a bit of a sneak, though, isn't he? He's hinting so much about Vhe'dn and her arrival, but no one has a clue what he's talking about in that moment. I found that rather cute of him.

One final small concrit: I would have merged the last two sentences, but it's not necessary. It's just a suggestion to make the ending of the chapter flow a little smoother.
i.e., "Rooshi scoffed, and he smiled to himself as he left."

Take care!
Ms.MaraJade

Yes, Ben and Vhe'dn are the same person. I realize it's confusing, but it was an aspect I still wanted to apply. It was mentioned in my short story about them that her original name had been Ben before her mother died and they started calling her Vhe’dn. Kotep (who is indeed Vhe’dn’s grandfather) is one of the only people who still refers to her as Ben quite often. Cajul and Bez, in familial terms, are friends. It probably was written pretty confusingly, but it’s been a while since I’ve written this chapter, so I couldn’t tell you where.

Rooshi will be a big part of the story, so expect more to develop about that.

Heh, Ando likes to act out in his own little ways.

Your Chapter 4 Review...also left on Fanfiction.net:

Sorry for the delay. I had a friend do a surprise visit this weekend, one I haven’t seen in years! (She may as well be a Mando! She’s always on the go and doesn’t ever seem truly settled.) So, after I caught up with her, I finally found some time to catch up with your story.

First, let’s do the technical stuff. There’s only a couple minor ones, both very early on.

Number 1:
This sentence got a little awkward towards the end:
Your sentence: “Rooshi tried to tell herself that she so looked forward to visiting him not because he was fascinating company, but because he was the only victim of the disease who had managed to have, at this point, remained conscious.”
Try: Rooshi tried to tell herself that she so looked forward to visiting him, not because he was fascinating company, but because he was the only victim of the disease who, at this point, had managed to remain conscious.

Number 2:
In most grammatical cases, a semi-colon is used to separate two complete thoughts as though they are two sentences without using a conjunction.
Your sentence: “Always so positive; Rooshi didn’t know how he kept such a strong face up.”
Try: Always so positive, Rooshi didn’t know how he kept such a strong face up.
OR: Racin was always so positive, and Rooshi didn’t know how he kept such a strong face up.
“Always so positive” technically is only a phrase (no subject and verb) so it would not require the semi-colon.

Now, the fun stuff!
So, Racin’s got a thing for Rooshi, too? It almost seems as if she might have something for Racin, as well. I’ll try not to speculate too much on this. I was rooting for Damper initially, but Racin has potential. After all, you’re the writer. I’ll just wait to see where it all goes.

And, of course, Vhe’dn would never just sit around and wait for Ando. She’s brave like that…maybe a bit reckless, too, but she means well so I can’t hold it against her. I can’t say I’d stick around and wait, too, if it were my man.

As usual, Damper and Vhe’dn’s playful bantering always lightens the mood.

Looking forward to Chapter 5. Hope to get to it in the next day or so. Sleep calls me tonight.

Take care.
Ms.MaraJade

As promised, I got to Chapter 5 today. Here's the review as seen on fanfiction.net:

Ugh! Just stab the knife in my heart and twist it. You did a great job with the emotional twists in this chapter, and I'm just beside myself right now wondering if anyone will be salvaged from the disease and their injuries.

“You got to save him, Doc, I don’t do good as an only child,” Damper pleaded, voice toneless as he stumbled two steps back.
REALLY loving Damper!! Even in his torment he finds a way to zing his words. And Vhe'dn taking his hand in their grief was a nice touch...very sibling-like of her.

I didn't expect Rooshi to have quite so much bravado. She stood up to Vhe'dn and pretty successfully held her own. It was also good to see her "educated" on the clones through Vhe'dn's eyes and experiences. Maybe Rooshi's bravado will hold out long enough for her to take a chance on one of them herself now.

Hoping for a happy ending, but you're only in Chapter 5. Looks like it's a long and windy road ahead for the rest of the story.

Take care.
Ms.MaraJade

Ha, semi-colons are like my crack; I use them like poetry. I'm not sure how I would switch that sentence around... kind of difficult, with one being inner thought and the other in-context reflection. I'll ponder this.

Yes, I decided to go all out 'Days of our Lives' on a love triangle. People who have read this usually end up liking Racin, so I think I just like to be evil by making it hard for people to chose which 'ending' they'd prefer.

Yep. :/ I'm trying my best to make this a desperate story, otherwise I feel it might come off as corny. I'm really happy about your impressions of Rooshi; that's pretty much what I wanted to come across. Damper gets a lot of page time in this story, so expect more banter to follow!