Catika
Vice Chief
Title: Seahorses. Forever.
Number of posts: 338
Planet/System: Ord Mantell
Credits: 392
Rep: 64
Registration date: 2009-03-16
 |  Subject: Re: Catika's Catastrophic Character Conundrums  Wed Dec 09, 2009 1:11 am | |
| I just published a BRAND NEW FIC! It's based in the Old Republic and I don't have much in mind for it other than making it kind of romancey. But with action! Yeeeeaaahhh!
The Old Republic: Collision Theories
"Thanks. I can't say it enough. You really saved me back there."
"I've got enough thanks remembering that helpless look on your face when you were clinging to me."
EDIT: Completely rewrote the chapter. Well, mostly, and I like it a lot more.
Last edited by Catika on Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:17 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Daennika
Chief
Title: Top Douche in charge
Number of posts: 469
Planet/System: Sol, Outer Rim
Credits: 537
Rep: 33
Registration date: 2009-03-16
| | Subject: Re: Catika's Catastrophic Character Conundrums Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:11 pm | |
| | Catika wrote: | I just published a BRAND NEW FIC! It's based in the Old Republic and I don't have much in mind for it other than making it kind of romancey. But with action! Yeeeeaaahhh!
The Old Republic: Collision Theories
"Thanks. I can't say it enough. You really saved me back there."
"I've got enough thanks remembering that helpless look on your face when you were clinging to me." |
Alright, after checking this and taking the time to read it, I'm divided about what kind of review I want to give you. Since we've talked a lot about it beforehand I kinda had my expectations up so I was left a bit unsatisfied at the end. Where is the action? So far, the main character only seems to be recovering from heavy action, someone got killed and there was a fight (from her lip wound). The thing is, that you give so very little detail that it's hard to keep up interest. Who are they exactly? What are the people wearing? Where are they exactly? When does the story take place? I know I'm really trashing your scene but I believe the pace will pick itself up on the next chapter.
It's not a bad installment for a new story, it's just not giving enough to make me relate to the character. At the end of the page I'm still left wondering what Cal does to earn her keep, clues hint toward Bounty Hunter but that's none sense because they don't get to work for the Republic. All in all, I'm really just confused.
The pluses now! Because you need it to keep working and give this story a chance to live on. The characters seem authentic and real, not the usual aggravating Star Wars type who are so driven by faith and purpose that it's hard to care for them.
Row is very lovable as Cal seems to feel about him, somehow the idea of a veteran Republic Trooper is appealing. At least it's not a clone, which is always a good thing in my opinon =P I'm guessing he is a Smuggler now, which is cool. Also very cool how he just dumps the girl on Ord Mantell and not letting the plot turn into a male/female double team privateering thing.
Cal on the other hand is a bit more blurry for the reasons I told before, the upside to that is that I'm curious what she's got up her sleeve now that she has to move on in life. If only she'd been given some more backstory to her, additional details on her life would bring a lot to work with like, for example family ties. I really want to know what happens to her next and how she can deal with difficulties I just don't find myself caring enough about her at this point. By the way, red is a MarySueish color for hair, just sayin'.
I hope you bring us more exciting details and facts to help us put the pieces together. This could be a really good crime/mystery fic. |
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Catika
Vice Chief
Title: Seahorses. Forever.
Number of posts: 338
Planet/System: Ord Mantell
Credits: 392
Rep: 64
Registration date: 2009-03-16
| | Subject: Re: Catika's Catastrophic Character Conundrums Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:36 pm | |
| Everything you said is exactly how I feel. Right after I published it I was like "Well this isn't the start I'm used to"--you know, with wars and characters shouting at each other and lightsabers EVERYWHERE. And it bothers me as much as it bothers you! I've obviously failed at my hook--your interest lies in future things I've told you. I'm thinking I'll have to rework this first chapter and see if I can't spruce it up. A lot. I can't let this story fail because no one wants to read further after the first chapter, and that would be my fault for throwing my hands up and saying "blargh I just want to post it!!"  As for Cal, she's been a constant thorn in my side since I created her last year. So I'm trying to make a simple decision of what class she would be in TOR, and since she's not a Jedi (whoops there go half of my options!), that makes her either a Trooper or a Smuggler. Uhh. Right now she's technically just part of an investigation team for the Republic, so some sort of security task force, which puts her somewhere near Trooper--until she's fired. Smuggler it is then?  So step two is actually defining her personality. ... I'm literally going to have to outline something for her, because every time I try to throw dialogue or situations at her, she goes amorphously polite and generic on me. (By the way the red hair STAYS because that's Row's nickname for her, nyaah!) ANYWAY as you know I have lots of fun things planned for the future of this story, but it looks like I need to work on this first chapter to make it live up to the expectations a little better. Thanks for the review and letting me know everything!  PS - Row is one of my favorite characters and he always behaves himself and sometimes does unexpected things for me. Yayyy! Oh and yes he's a smuggler. |
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Catika
Vice Chief
Title: Seahorses. Forever.
Number of posts: 338
Planet/System: Ord Mantell
Credits: 392
Rep: 64
Registration date: 2009-03-16
| | Subject: Re: Catika's Catastrophic Character Conundrums Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:17 am | |
| d-d-d-d-double post!
I completely rewrote the chapter, it's now about 3,000 words and I hope it works a little better. Let me know what you guys think!! |
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