Three tiny reviews for the first parts!

"Move"
A perfect balance of description and dialogue really helps the emotional impact of the scene. Mute's rebounding homosexual joking with Etad is very indicative of his character, and it was also a good pick up from the sadness about Asher and Sixer.

Also, props to Etad, who punched two of his brothers in a span of about ten minutes. Total bad ass.

The ending lines were very poignant, by the way. You always get me with those final lines in your stories! ALWAYS.

"Sleep"
You have a great knack for throwing in a great amount of army "jargon" that gets you into the mind of the character.

Daaaamn, Beten is a stud. The little boy talk pow-wow was most enjoyable. I always love a bit of competition between the ranks, especially because commandos are always so damn cool about it.

"Inspire"
I see Etad is the no-nonsense, responsible one, which I like because it seems like his aggression in the first story reflect all of his frustrations. Poor guy.

"It's red." / "...Yours is orange." <-- I love silly arguments.

Poor Etad! It's like high school group projects all over again when a dick is in charge. Only it's like... war. :p I totally understand his frustration. I also am elated with the several scenarios of hurting Beten, it's hilarious.

THAT'S IT, Etad is my faaavorite.

@C13: Thank you, c13! (Sorry I missed you in the chat )

That is, I think, the best thing about the Mandalorian helmet. Aside from just the anonymity it offers, just the psychological effects of wearing that kind of mask/symbol. It gives confidence, helps to give bravado and push back fears/insecurities. The ultimate poker face.

Yain will definitely be running into a lot more males once she leaves this little... quaint gas mining planet. A lot of criminals on Nar Shaddaa seem to be male (at least, the Hutts and their immediate underlings), and it'll be... well, interesting.

I'll try to update faster! I'm not quite making this all up on the fly, I have a very very vague outline and I do know where I want this to go / how it will end, but the actual act of the character getting there tends to change a lot during my writing process. And generally, this kind of story isn't supposed to be divided by chapters... just time dates. But internet media and my own looking for feedback as I'm writing, chapters/chapter titles seem to be a necessity.

Anywho, yes. Thank you!


@Catika: Hehe. I'm glad you like E'tad so much. I'm kind of... idk. I'm still up in the air about who's my favorite. I started writing it believing that Beten would be, but they're all so different and yet... I love all their personalities, lol. (Although tbh, Toss is the easiest one for me to write.)

I didn't know my end lines had so much impact XD lol I actually have a really hard time ending short pieces sometimes, and then I end up writing maybe fifty lines before I finally perfect that last paragraph. >_>;

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Bha'lir Squad 09 - Help, is now up.

"Sweat"
What a great view into Toss's mind. That was an awesome exposition, well done! Sometimes it must feel redundant to write and read about dead brothers (I totally get that way), but you still manage to evoke the right amount of emotion.

"Toss always allowed Beten instant, free access, but his brother never used the override. He always asked first." <-- Whoa, Beten has a redeeming quality! Look out!

After reading the rest, I just want to say that the overall quality of these stories is worthy of a lot of praise. It's very tight, if that's the right word. Each piece has its own pace that doesn't leave the reader feeling uncomfortable. That is to say--they're satisfying.

Anyway, can't wait for the next installment! I hope Mute marries the horse girl. *squee*

I'm sorry to disappoint, but Mute does not, in fact, marry the horse girl. XD

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On a Hurt Vector note, I've finally punched out the next chapter. It's the longest I've ever done, methinks, and apparently I had to cut it in half to post it to LJ. However, before I get to the links, I want to put a few warnings first.

1. It's pretty violent. Now, maybe not graphic or anything, but still. Pretty screwed up. So, I felt the warning is necessary. If not, let me know.
2. Expect to see: A female getting killed needlessly. Twi'lek slaves. Male strippers.

And... that's all I wanted to say.




Hurt Vector 07 . Debts

Nearly a week has passed since I left Mos Eisley, but if I say I've forgotten my main goal, I'd be lying. All I know is that the job’s been put off for too long. I have to face the music some time. And by music, I mean from multiple stations. Different sources. Half the HoloNet Radio.

My list is pretty damn full.

Well. Whatever. I might as well kill two mynocks with one stone. Or three. Three? Wait. No. That doesn’t sound right.

No more metaphors.

Part 2 of the review razzia

Part 7 of Hurt Vector.

As you already know, I am in love/lust with Yain. This chapter really was a treat for me to read.

There's plenty of action, plenty of questions somewhat answered, and plenty more questions unanswered. I really like how the character of Yain is comparatively tiny with the rest of the alien species she has a tendency to interact with (except the Ugnaughts from the previous chapter and the mini Chagrian). And she throws her "weight" well with the right amount of snark.

I like her vulnerability and how she hides it behind the visor, how sometimes she falters and goes "oh shit, oh shit" but in the end manages to keep things together unbeknownst to the antagonists, which of course gives her that air of "invincibility". The fact alone that Cujo didn't have her lynched on sight, proves that the Hutt believes she has got to be either crazy or incredibly sure of herself to come back to that place.

As I've said before, you do "seedy" very well. I like your grittier and darker SW galaxy, it plays very well into the post war setting where everyone is an opportunist.

The pit scene was nicely written. I was there to witness the fight and had I been more absorbed I would've started tossing credit chips around as I cheered for the underdog.

More than the pit scene itself, I felt for Yain while she struggled, "powerless" to prevent the beatdown that's going on, mere feet from her. I felt her frustration, her anger, her fear and finally her relief when it was finally over. Now that's a palette of feelings right there.

And yes, sorry to disappoint, the chapter is still too short

Hope you enjoyed the mini-review.

Thank you so much for your continued support, Commander. I don't know what else to say, except thank you, and proclaim my undying love for you.

Seedy gets kind of hard to write sometimes, mostly because I'm acutely aware that I'm not directly connected to the seedier parts of the world, so I can be sure that a lot of my ideas are conjecture at best. Still, I like where my story is going, even if spots might be... odd or unbelievable. Artistic license, I guess. ohohoho

I like using the Mando-mask to the best of my ability, because really... isn't that the point of the mask? It gives us the ultimate poker sabacc face. No expression, no odd twitch to give off what we're feeling, because it's just a smooth black T.

I'm trying to write longer chapters, lol
Buuuuut with my writer's block and stress levels out the roof, we'll see if I'm successful enough. Hopefully I'll just be able to keep this story entertaining to the end.